Good morning, bros and broettes. it’s finals week so, I’m chain popping study candy instead of picking up sorostitutes at the bar. I had been wanting to play the Bayonetta demo since it came out but I couldn’t find an excuse to tell my bros about why I was playing a Japanese game as Sarah Palin. However, now that I’ve been awake for over 24 hours, I’m totally going to use delirium as my excuse.
My first impression is that this game was made for GDI, Japanese, goth girls. I say this because I’m dressed in black hair/leather; when I double jump, I get butterfly wings; health potions are butterflies and laurels; I’m wtfroflstomping demons(?) with a huge stiletto combo; and you know what? I’m loving every bit of it. No homo. This is by far the most awesome bromoerotic game I’ve played.
The combat in the Bayonetta demo is exhilarating. Sarah Palin (not the character’s name) can not only punch and kick, but she can shoot fucking guns! I know you’re all like: “Look, broham. If I want to shoot shit I’ll go play Modern Warfare 2.” Well, can you shoot out of your stilettos in Modern Warfare 2? No, you fucking can’t, douche rocket, so shut the fuck up. I find myself actually trying to do the combos rather than button mashing. The combos are extremely original (see the aforementioned tower-o’-stiletto stomp). Also, monsters drop their weapons when they die, and you can pick them up to use. For example, you can get a trumpet that acts like a bazooka, a huge axe to swing around, or a polearm that you stick into the ground and do a crazy, gun-shooting pole dance. Which brings me to the fact that the longer the combo, the more naked you get. However, when the combo ends, your hair comes back to clothe you. It’s fucking weird. Which brings me to your hair aka boss fatalitizer. At the end of every fight, your hair comes off your body and chews the b’jesus out of the boss. It’s. fucking. weird. But, it’s also fucking awesome. The only gripe I do have about the combat is that the camera can be a little retarded sometimes, but it’s definitely not a game breaker.
While the boss fights take place in very interesting places (i.e. the ceiling of a church, on a broken bridge which is being swung about by the actual boss), each fight is like convincing a fat girl to have sex on my counter next to my birthday cake. It’s fucking easy. Look, if I wanted to go fishing with dynamite or shoot fish in a barrel, I’d play your mom in beer pong. Fix it, Sega. I’m not saying make them Ninja Gaiden hard, but give me a reason to have a health bar at the top of my screen.
Before playing this demo, I thought Bayonetta was going to blow worse than our pledges, but now I’m definitely going to at least rent it when it comes out. So, brohams and sishams, go download the demo. You won’t be disappointed.
Played on Playstation 3.
Played on Playstation 3.
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